All roads of inspiration for the marriage of wrestling and music lead to the
Rocky theme. This Bill Conti masterwork added a good foot-and-a-half to the
Stallion's stature as he entered the arena. da dah DAHHHHhhhhhh.....da dah
DAHHHhhhhh.
Then comes the middle 80's and the rise of the WWF. The Hulkster broadcasts
this lineage by marching to "Eye of the Tiger" from Rocky III. There was
hope. The themes that follow were held in high esteem.
There was first the extreme apropos. The Fabulous Ones - "Sharp Dressed
Man". After they picked this ZZ classic these guys don't worry coz their
wallet's fat. Junkyard Dog - "Another One Bites the Dust". Nary a blade of
grass grew in the junkyard (nor a Queen for that matter). Moreover, nary a
redneck heard the O'Jays until Big Boss Man brought back "For the Love of
Money". A socio-political triumph.
Yet greed and self-service were afoot and then came the esoteric. With "Also
Sprach Zarathustra", Nature Boy Rick Flair asked, "What is more natural than
the monkey-man beating his pals with a bone by the monolith?" Kubrick grins
from the tomb. "Iron Man" was the theme of choice of the Road Warriors
although Mel Gibson was more of a gasoline warrior if I remember correctly.
Regardless, there was no question it made a guy want to tag some team. Dusty
Rhodes and his sidekick Bob Seager, both suckworthy and without purpose, are
a perfect match with "Old Time Rock and Roll". Macho Man picked the most
non-sequitur yet oh-so-tasty theme of all, "Pomp and Circumstance", despite
the fact that the only diploma he ever received was the "Hooter's Boobman"
Honorary Doctorate.
Alas, adversity struck and Vince McMahon, the wrestling don, fell victim.
The popular song was emancipated by vast royalty payments and the two
disciplines parted ways. A few stayed behind, namely Cindi Lauper [of
Captain Lou fame] and Rick Derringer [of Edgar Winter's White Trash fame,
don't miss the double entendre] on a humanitarian mission to help the
wrestling community sort out their musical woes.
The first WWF Wrestling Album was rendered. Hogan's new theme, "Real
American", was dead at the title. Hillbilly Jim's "Don't Go Messin' with a
Country Boy" revealed a keen sense of the corny and the obvious. What is the
opposite of timelessness, outside of Jimmy Hart's "Eat Your Heart Out Rick
Springfield"?
In 1988, the second wrestling album salts the wound. Track 1, Koko B. Ware
sings "Piledriver", a terse metaphor for the Federation's Fate. Now obvious
was the extent the wrestler had taken his servant for granted and his empire
crumbled under his tights.
All that remains to this day is a shite-bag of generic rock and roll jingles
poorly wrought by maybe The Rock's cousin. It has been said that Jimmy Hart
is now doing themes for former WWF stars in WCW that sound suspiciously
close to their WWF themes (An Informal History of Wrestling Music by Jeff
Yelton).
More recently, as an effort to bury hatchets, the wrestling world has called
out to its old friend. There is a new album with Limp Bizkit remixing their
own less-than-classics like "Rollin'" for Undertaker. Stone Cold Steve
Austin's record, Stone Cold Metal, lines up tunes like "Rock You Like a
Hurricane", Foghat's "Slow Ride" and some crappy Def Leppard filth. This
unfocused effort is no more than a mix tape tribute to what could have been.
With Squip technology, scientific method and some open minds, we can revive
a dormant titan. In twenty years, the couple has yet to unite and never has
the wrestler given equal rights to or, moreover, SERVED the popular song by
merely opening his mind, listening and learning.
Enter Morpholinomania II. Sport your wrestling memorabilia, paraphernalia
and costumes and dive in. This is the ultimate experiment where he who
wrestles finally hands over the spotlight, where the Smackdown victor is the
music and the two unite for a new entertainment dynasty!
